


Memento Vivere

by DarkShadows93



Category: Beetlejuice - All Media Types, Beetlejuice - Perfect/Brown & King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Rewrite, Ghosts, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Murder, Musical References, Paranormal, Possession, Proceed with caution, Sneej, Suicidal Thoughts, Supernatural Elements, Tags are subjected to change, author’s own head canon and theory, flirtatious and sexual harassment, original side character, potential ship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2020-08-14 12:02:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20191966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkShadows93/pseuds/DarkShadows93
Summary: In times like these, we have no words.” The Pastor started addressing the mourners before him. Lydia looked around feeling a cold wind blow through her, no one seemed affected by it. No one seemed to care. She looked past the Pastor, spotting a figure wearing a worn, tattered grey trench coat, hair sticking up with ephemeral green woven through dark strands. She could barely see his face, but she could tell it was dark, demonic, cold. He laid his back against the tree , sporting black and white striped pants. She could swear that he was staring right at her or….---The events following Lydia after her Mother's funeral as she tries to seek answers but only asking questions.While a cursed demon roams the Earth to find his freedom but only finding something he didn't expect to be a hero for.READ AUTHOR'S NOTE FOR ADDITONAL WARNINGS





	1. Invisible

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! 
> 
> First off I would like to state that this is a result from a massive two page detailed Headcanon/ theory that I developed while listening to the soundtrack, watching the film and even parts of the Cartoon. The details will slowly be revealed and not meant to be offensive or suffocating for any reason. It is supposed to be a small detail insignificant to the plot and how it is supposed to go. 
> 
> If any questions, please feel free to message me on my AO3 tumblr @darkshadows93 or my Beetlejuice specific tumblr @midwest-ghost.
> 
> Secondly, updating will be slow as I am not only watching the musical for research but working. I work full time but have a hundred million projects to update. This story is supposed to be Canon Divergent with a musical rewrite bit in it. I am keeping bits of the musical as references and bits might stay but overall changing it. Questions? Refer to my tumblr. 
> 
> Tags will change for sure. Warnings will change for sure. Beetlebabe might be added who knows. I have to see how my mental outline changes as I write. I am a Beetlebabe shipper but doesn't mean I will add it. So please be vigilant with keeping up with tags and warnings. Don't want to offend anyone when the time comes.
> 
> Comments are welcome.

_Memento Vivere quia Memento Mori-_

_Remember to live because remember you die_

~~~~~~

Lydia Deetz first thought it was a dream the day her Mom passed away. She would never have thought that her Mom, her rock, her home, her only person in the universe that understood her would die from something so careless. The day her Mom died was the day that Lydia Deetz was no longer visible to the world. Nobody saw her, nobody cared. Dad was doing his own thing neglecting that his own daughter was drowning in her own breath.

‘I'm sorry for your lost.’, 'Lydia, you're too young to experience such loss.’ ‘I'll be there whenever you need me.’ Everyone said the same thing to her the day of the funeral. It became her mantra as she stood solemnly by the head of her mother’s casket, staring at her Dead Mom. But the truth was, it wasn't her Mom. It may have taken the appearance of her Mom but it wasn't her. Not anymore. Fifteen years spent with her only in the end to stare at an empty shell.

She looked up from the casket staring out to the small crowd that had gathered to say their goodbyes. Their faces, their bodies displaying a fake mourning that would end at the end of the service. They don't understand. They never do. They don't see the pain that plagued her very soul. The moment her Mom died, she faded from view, invisible only to be told scripted nothings. Was she greedy to just to have one person come to her, say her name- make her visible for one moment and say something that carried some meaning?

She sighs sadly as her hand gently brushes against the shell and she lowers her black veil. Her father approaches her, hands buried deep in his pockets “It's time.”

Lydia sighs once more shaking her head as she followed her dad, only stopping to glance at her mom just as the funeral directors close the casket one last time.

~~~~~~~

Rain fell from dark clouds in sheets of mist and cold wind. Under the green tent in a cemetery not too far from city life, people gathered in close quarters. Lydia sat beside glancing at her father, his hands busy twisting a napkin together.

“In times like these, we have no words.” The Pastor started addressing the mourners before him. Lydia looked around feeling a cold wind blow through her, no one seemed affected by it. No one seemed to care. She looked past the Pastor, spotting a figure wearing a worn, tattered grey trench coat, hair sticking up with ephemeral green woven through dark strands. She could barely see his face, but she could tell it was dark, demonic, cold. He laid his back against the tree , sporting black and white striped pants. She could swear that he was staring right at her or….

“... devoted wife of Charles, beloved mother of Lydia.” Lydia looked up only to find the figure was gone. Vanished without a trace, “Scripture tells us: “Sorrow not, we do not walk alone.”

The funeral procession dragged on like the dead. Lydia had yet to see the mysterious man but could sense that besides the living who say among her that she wasn't really alone. But then, it was over. People mingled one last time before spreading out to their respective cars. She watched as her Dad thanked the Pastor for their time and for the well spoken words. What about her? Did they have any words for her? She had just lost her Mom for fucks sake! She didn't want to be invisible. She wanted someone to see her! The only person who did was….

“Come on… it's time to go. Let's go home.”

Lydia, quiet as the grave started to follow but stopped when the oddest sensation pulled her down. The strangest and usual that made her stomach churn. It was a sensation she was familiar but yet not. The tingling sensation when driving past a funeral home, a cemetery, even a hospice house. The sensation of a soul leaving the earth. She felt that sensation and it broke her. But it was short lived as the dark creeping sensation of a predator hunting its prey overwhelmed her, taking her breath away. She quickly turned towards the casket only to see the mysterious figure who looked more dead than alive. He had the casket opening frowning at the shell of her mom. He was looking for something but what?

“Goddammit…” She heard the rough scratchy growl erupted from the figure, “She must have already gone to the-”

“Lydia!”

Lydia gasped as she turned back to see her father standing impatiently by the car. His hands tapping on top of the black car, “It's time to go.”

Lydia's throat grew parched as she slowly nodded and started to walk towards her father. Her father sighed as he climbs back into the car, leaving Lydia back to drowning in her thoughts. One second of visibility and it was gone. Just like that.

“Ouch. Goddammit." She heard the voice once more followed by the slamming of the casket lid and a series of curse words.

Lydia quickly turned to once again only to find the casket closed and the figure had once again disappeared. Her eyes scanned the area, he had to be still here. He was too close to just disappear. Was she going insane? That's one thing that she didn't need. She was already an outcast. She was strange and particular- a dark cloud in a blue sky. Lydia held her breath releasing it slowly as she turned back to the car trying to shake the eerie feeling that someone or something was watching her in the shadows.

~~~~~~~~~~

“That's odd…” Beetlejuice queried as he watched the black veiled girl climb into the black suburban. He scratched at his beard in contemplation, “I never got a reaction quite like that before. It was like she could…. Nah. Impossible ..."

Beetlejuice watched as the suburban drove from the cemetery until it was nothing more than a black speck. Morbid curiosity plagued him as he thought of the girl seeing him. It would be quite interesting and fun if she could. Maybe if he could find her again, he would be able to find his ticket to freedom. A demented smile grew on his lips as he flicked his wrist to go to his next destination. He better start digging for clues.


	2. Chilling Sensation

_Nescit vox miss reverti_

_The words can not return- Horance_

* * *

Months went by without a single appearance of the girl he had been curious about. Beetlejuice actually had forgotten about her after a month of digging for clues. He had no name, face, age, and even primary location. It was like she disappeared. It bothered him but that was the afterlife. He had other things to do. People to die and hope he could be hired. Why change something that's half assed work for hundreds of years? But it wasn't that easy anymore when Juno stepped in more than usual. 

Witnessing death from a car accident was one easy way to get hired. They were always in a state of shock and would do anything for them to wake up. Suckers. 

The particular accident was quite brutal even for him. A two car crash with a driver running from the scene. A single mom who clearly carried some emotional baggage about her son and his abusive father. Blood and gore painted the streets. How the car appeared, he was surprised that the kid survived. He should have died…. Oh yes, that would work. She would work just nicely. 

"Yer lucky, I was in the neighborhood, babe." Beetlejuice cooed as he appeared next to a recently deceased woman making her jump from his sudden appearance. He smirked as he sauntered to the car the woman tensing up " I wanted to see what was causing all the commotion-

He hissed loudly turning away from the scene in fake disgust. He knew what it looked like but he had to appear natural. He had to sell it or it would never work. It never did but that wasn't the point. " Nasty wreck yer had there. Deadly crash with one driver runnin' away from the scene. A classic DOA. Ooooh ouch." Beetlejuice stared into the driver side window grimacing at the large splinter of glass in her neck. 

"Is that…?"

"Yer body? Oh yeah, babe. Dead as a doornail. But, hey… at least yer not alone because I'm dead too."

The woman stared at Beetlejuice then at her own corpse. She took a step, trying to call his bluff by reaching out to her car, her hand piercing through the metal frame. She stared at her body, confusion plaguing her face before she started screaming. Her screams piercing and loud like a banshee. 

Typical modern day humans. He rolled his eyes, groaning loudly. Why do they always scream? Wasn't the pure fact that their bodies usually were still in front of them enough?

"Hey! Enough! It's okay!" Beetlejuice had fallen behind with the whole human interaction, emotions part of living. It wasn't really necessary when he's been dead for so long, "Hey lady!"

The woman screamed louder as she ran around car. She was looking for something. It had to be important if she was willing to try to tear a car apart. Plagued by his own morbid curiosity, Beetlejuice followed her, his eyebrows raising at the site of a little girl whimpering in pain, her little legs torn in an abnormal position. Non fatal. He would be able to see when she's near death. A sorrowful sigh erupted from him, his hands running through his hair, "Hey! Its okay!"

"Where's my baby? She should be here-"

"She's fine. The kid… she's… fine." Beetlejuice growled to himself pulling himself out the consoling mood, "Just goddamn relax. Jeez la weez, babe. The kid is fine" he waved his fingers the car morphing to reveal the child, Ya took most of the damage so yer kid ain't dyin'. Now, ya gonna talk to me or not?"

"Elissa…." The woman cried rushing to her daughter, but the car morphed back to its mangled car, "But I… I can't be dead… this can't be true."

"Oh, but it is. And yer lucky." The woman stared at him in disgust. Probably wrong word choice, "Lucky in the sense that I was here ta help ya…" Smooth save there BJ. His grin turned sinister as he walked closer to the girl " Because now ya can haunt the driver who ran off and scare him to death."

"But I don't want to-"

Beetlejuice held up his hand, "Hold on, say no more. Or yer able ta watch ya kid as they go through this Hell call life. I help you and you help me deal?"

"How am I supposed to help you and what do you get in return?" 

Beetlejuice sneered as he stuffed his hands into his jacket, "now ya asking the right questions." He snapped his fingers and a small ad appeared in his hand and he handed it to the Woman, "Freedom. A new lease on life. All you gotta do is help me get a living person to say my name three times. Clear as a bell and then ya can watch over the bra-uh kid until they drop dead, sound good?"

The woman read the ad briefly glancing up as she read the term 'bio-exorcist'. She shook her head before throwing it back to him "Absolutely not." The Woman snapped as she backed away from him, "You can get your freedom and live while I'm trapped here?"

"Whoa, whoa, babe. Yer dead that what happens-"

"No!" She screamed at the poltergeist, "I can't spend all of time here. There has to be another way to-"

"There is no other-"

"Don't antagonize the recently deceased, Beetlejuice." A stern voice spoke from behind him. Beetlejuice glanced down at his boots seeing the sickly green glow to them. A growl escaped from his lips as he adjusted his jacket and tie before spinning on his heels to face the ever so familiar voice.

"Ah, Juno! My old buddy old pal! How's it hangin'?" Beetlejuice sarcastically greeted with venom dripping from his words. 

Juno shook her head, her old skin hanging slightly covering the silt across her throat as grey smoke erupted from it. She wore a dark grey dress suit with pearls hanging at her chest, grey hair cut neatly as if she died the day of her funeral. A vindictive smile formed on her old lips as she walked slowly towards the Demon and the recently deceased. "I should have guessed that you would have beaten me here. It explains why she has yet to receive the manual. Claiming to be in the neighborhood again or did you cause this poor soul's death?"

"Ya know, Juno. I'm not into that kinda-" Beetlejuice nervously coughed as he shifted his eyes to the woman, "stuff anymore."

"Sure, you do. The last time you said that JFK was-"

"That was an accident!" Beetlejuice laughed rolling his eyes, "I thought he was gonna off himself and not the President. Gods… I'm not _ that _ bad."

"_ Right… _." Juno rolled her eyes as she took another long drag on her cigarette, smoke billowing from the slit in a massive cloud before coughing and turning her attention to the recently departed, "You're Charlotte Reid, yes?"

"I uh… yes."

"Juno, she's mine." Beetlejuice growls as he steps in front of her, "Don't even think about takin' her away from me."

"From you? Oh, BJ shall I remind you that you don't work for admissions now. You decided to go out on your own to be….. What do you call yourself now?" Juno pushed him aside "Ah yes a 'bio-exorcist'. Just admit that you're using her to break your little problem."

"A problem you put me in!"Beetlejuice snapped charging at her only to be stopped by a menacing cigarette baring hand

"Wrong. This is a problem _ you _ put yourself in because you _ begged _ to have your name changed, remember? Or did seeing the result of your actions every year drive you insane?" Juno sneered at the Demon before taking a drag of her cigarette, "Just remember, cursed or not I own you. I can always summon you back to the Netherworld with just your name. You belong belong to me, Ju-'

"Don't ya fuckin'-"

"I don't have to stay here?" Charlotte whispered softly as Beetlejuice growled loudly out of frustration for the victory for a woman he despised. 

"Not if you don't want to. Does the name of James Horrell ring a bell?" Juno smiles as she nods, "Father, right?" Another nod, "Well he's waiting for you on the other side. The afterlife doesn't have to dwell on _ hard feelings _."

"Hey! I do not have hard feelings! I already paid my price and I wanna get out!" Beetlejuice ejected pushing his way to the girl but a cold stare stopped him in his tracks, "I got a -"

"What about my baby?" 

Juno smiled as she lead the woman to the open glowing door to the Netherworld, giving her a fake sympathetic pat on the back, "I'll fill you in when we get there." As the woman walked through the door, Juno took a short drag and turned towards him blowing out smoke " Nice try, Beetlejuice. But I can't let you do this, you know that."

~~~~~~~

It was him again. Lydia couldn't believe it at first. The familiar striped suit, the green woven hair, the gravelly voice talking to a woman outside a mangled car. A person she hadn't seen since the funeral. She thought she was going crazy, she thought it was the grief. Her mother's casket open and he staring in, then gone in a flash.

"Dad, stop the car!" 

"Lydia, why on Earth would I stop the car in this traffic mess? Don't you see that there is an accident out there?"

Lydia watched the managed car shift slightly to reveal a small child. The woman's body in the front seat. Her eyes widening, choking out a gasp. She's dead. She was staring at her body, "Dad just stop the car!" She choked out pressing herself against the window unable to see what was going on. 

"No! I will not stop this car!"

She groaned when Delia butted into the conversation, "I would listen to your Father, Lydia dear."

"This is important." Lydia pounded against the window, "I see something and I need a better look."

"Absolutely not. There is an accident out there and you could get hurt." Charles firmly stated glancing back to her, "now enough."

"That's the point!" Lydia scoffed rolling her eyes as she tried to pull open the lock but Delia kept pushing the automatic lock, "There is something I want to-"

"Lydia, I said enough!"

Lydia gasped throwing herself back into her seat, her eyes staring out the window. She could still see him, the man in stripes still talking but to an older woman. Smoking bellowing from her like a dragon. She blinked her mind not comprehending what was going on. This couldn't be real, but something told me that it was.

Lydia waited for the traffic to stop, her hands slowly moving towards the lock and handle. She took a deep breath, pulling on the lock and opening the door running out. She laughed as she heard Delia scream as she bolted down the opposing traffic as fast as she could. Dodging and weaving through cars, Lydia sprinted as fast as she could towards the accident. Every honk and yell drowning out her father's bellows. She was having fun, her grin stretched across her face until she saw him. 

"Dammit, Juno! Get yer ass back here!" Beetlejuice charged at the door, fists in the air, "Juno, you can't do this! You can't take my ticket! You can't keep me like this! I can't be called back when ya need me, Juno!"

Lydia could see the flames of anger burning from him. His fists pounding against a brick wall, his decrypted voice screaming. Lydia looked around nervously hoping she wasn't the only one person to see this. The street swollen of cars slowly navigating through never-ending traffic, never once looking at the striped man punching at a brick wall. It was only just her that saw him. Lydia opened her mouth to speak but the sound of a feral growl silenced her. The Striped Suit Man finally resting against the wall. 

"This is bullshit. Fuckin' Juno…"

Lydia held her breath as the anger slowly started to die. She was fearful of him, taking the smallest steps towards him. Her hand extended at a distance seeing if she could touch him. Each step, her heart beating harder within her chest. Dangerous territory she was traveling into. 

The calm before the storm ended when the Striped man yelled as loud as his body could handle before pushing himself from the brick wall "You'll pay for this Juno! Just wait n' see! I'll get my goddamn ticket, just watch me!"

"Hey!" Lydia screamed out as the Striped Man charged at her, his body quickly fading into the sunlight, "Hey-" She gasped, her body staggering back as his cold hand went through her own as he faded from existence. She felt the cold chill rush up her arm before enveloping her body, her eyes widening as her body spun towards the sensation only to find nothing but her angry Father staring at her. 

~~~~~~~~

Beetlejuice reappeared in front of a white house on a hill gasping in shock, holding his arm like it was injured as a weird warm sensation slowly trickle up his arm. 

_ Hey! _ He spun on his heels as he heard the echo of a voice through the veil only to find a quiet small New England town.

"What the Hell?" Beetlejuice questioned as he rubbed the at the warm sensation on his skin as it started to fade away. It was weird and out of place. An odd sensation he only felt when he walked through unexpected victims during his jobs. There wasn't a breather at that crash site was-

_ Hey! _

There had to be a breather at the accident with him. He stared at his hand like he was burnt, flexing his fingers to see if they still functioned. Interesting. Very interesting. It was a feeling he hadn't felt in such a long time. A feeling he wasn't quite sure if he like or not. Beetlejuice hummed as he adjusted his suit jacket spinning on his feels in pure curiosity where he had taken himself next. 

That's when the suffocating aura hit him. An oppressing aura of death incarnate. He stared at the house in front of him, nearly forcing his unused lungs to gasp for air. There was a dark presence shadowing the white house on a hill. A presence nearly suffocating, power nearly rivaling his own.

"Well, Hello." He muttered as he scanned the white siding, eyebrows raised searching for the source. Someone was here and they had something dark up their sleeves. But when he gazed upon this house, it had the aura of impending death. It had the smell of trouble. It was like a big neon sign above the house screaming in harsh red letters 'Occupied by Poltergeist. Impending Death.'

He frowned, his curiosity was like a small child always wanting to know more. It wasn't everyday or centuries that he would feel an aura as strong as his. He cracked his neck, a dark smile pulled on his lips as he adjusted his jacket with a flick of his wrist he would be able to see what the hell all the hubbub was about. A demon and a poltergeist under the same roof as breathers, what could possibly go wrong?


	3. The Whole Being Dead Thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This where a bit of my theory/ headcanon comes into view. Take some guess or what not.
> 
> Any questions can be brought up to me at either my AO3 tumblr @darkshadows93 or my Beetlejuice fandom/rp @midwest-ghost

"The trouble is, you think you have time." - Buddha 

~~~~~

".... Coming up, sad news coming out of Stafford Springs as a single mom loses her life in a hit and run accident leaving behind a one year old child. More soon at s-"

Adam Maitland reached up and turned off the television, shaking his head. His hands gently polishing a dark mahogany crib, the fresh layer of polish glistening on the surface. Adam stopped for a moment, rag hovering over the porous surface. Why was he doing this again? Polishing the same surface over and over in preparation of something that could never come. A child of own. It was just like Barbara obsessing over making pottery because it was something fragile. Like a child.

Ten years, it had been ten years since they were married- eleven in August. They had everything they could possibly want. A beautiful spacious home with a massive yard to garden and play, a minivan to take the child around to their activities, and a gender neutral room for a child yet born. It had been ready for eight years but neither of them could put their hearts together to create a child. The house was far from perfect. There was always something to repair, something to upgrade. The house was flawed and so was the world. Something could happen where the child could be hurt, alone, or even killed. What would have happened if they were killed leaving their child alone with strangers? In the end, nothing would be good enough for a child, not even them. 

Adam hummed to himself as he brought himself to polish the surface. His mind wandering to thoughts that will one day turn into regrets. He smoothed the surface, the rag lowered towards the polish as the door to the attic slammed shut. His foot kicking at the can spilling the dark polish onto the old wood and his leather loathers.

"Son of a-" Adam mumbled as he stood up from his chair and turned towards the door, eyebrow raised. He hesitantly pointed at the door, "That was… huh I could have swore that was open."

A low and gravely chuckle echoed through the attic, it seemed as if it came from every dark corner sending a chilling sensation down his spine. Spinning on his heels, wide eyes scanning the room as his breathing started to come out in harsh pants. Adam slowly step back only to have the laughter follow him; almost like it was him. With eyes still wide he spun around once more when the laughter sounded like it was behind him. 

"I-I-I-- uh- Barbara?" He struggled to speak against the building fear that bubbled up "Sweetie, are messing with me?"

His body slowly stiffening when he heard the slow loud creak of wood; his breaths coming out quicker as he slowly turned his attention to the crib. Wide horror filled eyes watched the crib slowly rock, the wood creaking louder with each rock. Adam stumbled back as he reached for the door handle, taking a few tries before finding the handle. He felt his throat close as he struggled to open the door "uh… Barbara? Barbara!" 

The door refused to budge, Adam slammed his weight against the door. "Barbara!" He wheezed as he pushed against the door as the weight loosened causing it to swing open. Adam lost his balance and tumbled down the first flight of stairs. A groan escaped his body as he struggled to stand, eyes still watching the door as it abruptly slammed shut.

"Adam? Are you okay?" A sigh of relief eased the growing fear as he ran down the stairs to meet his wife in the kitchen

"Barbara, this house is- oh my God Barbara!" Adam ran to his wife grasping her arms, panting as he nervously looked over his shoulder, "Sweetie, there is something living in this-"

"Adam," Barbara nervously chuckles as she gently walks away from his grasp to sent the homemade pottery piece on the counter, "Slow down. I don't understand what you're trying to say."

"Barbara, this house is haunted! There is _ something _ in the attic!" Adam pressed as he pulled at his hair, "it-it started to move the crib!"

"Oh honey, you've been up there all day polishing the crib." Barbara shook her head before going to soothe her panicked husband, "maybe you were seeing things."

"Seeing things?!" Adam nervously laughs spinning on his heels, "Barbara, I heard someone laughing."

"Auditory hallucinations are a thing, Adam." Barbara sighs as she walked past him to grab a kettle and two glasses, "How about a nice cup of tea or coffee? That should help you relax."

"Barbara, this is serious. Why don't you believe me?"

"I didn't say that I don't believe you." She quickly turns off the water and places it on the stove. Barbara frowned as the stove refuse to light at first, the smell of gas followed by clicking of the starter. Odd, it had never done that before. She tried again before the light finally caught and the stove roared to life, "I only said that you are staying upstairs too much and perhaps the fumes from the polish is getting to you."

"If…" There was a long pause as Adam struggled to catch his breath, "If that was the case…. Then what is _ that?" _

Barbara met her husband's eyes watching them widen in fear. Her heart raced, skin rising as her body was telling her to not to turn. Not to look upon the terrifying object that was behind her. She gasped softly as she slowly turned, head first, heels spinning on the soft linoleum as a black veiled figured came into view just briefly but was gone by the time Barbara was facing the back door.

"Did...did you see it?"

"I...I…" Barbara's voice was a mere whisper as her heart raced in her chest, her body visibly shaking as her mind tried to comprehend what she saw if there was anything even there, "think so…"

Beetlejuice was surprised by what he saw as well. Hands deep into his pockets feeling around the assortment of items, fingertips being bitten by the two snakes that called them home. So many questions started bothering him. Why these breathers? They were boring. Hipster like. The only good thing was that Barbara was one good looking babe. Why did she want to kill them? It was obvious scare tactic first then go on the murder spree. Not very often that a poltergeist had a plan to do so. 

Hell, there weren't too many poltergeists walking among the veil of the living and the dead (himself included). There were certain rules and bylaws they are supposed to follow (which he didn't follow most of them anyway) which included: Not killing the breathers. Even he breaks that rule every now and again. Even if it was only a misguided accident. 

Being a poltergeist didn't mean one would be like the movie. It could be if one is vengeful enough. They are like ghosts but with benefits. They have certain abilities that could help them scare the Breathers while on House Arrest or they could be like him- cursed to be lost, alone, forsaken, invisible. Forced to find away to be seen. They weren't called noisy ghosts for a reason. But this spirit, oh boy wasn't she a Reverent. A vengeful spirit. He had to know more about the broad. Perhaps, he could figure out what's going on in her little head of hers. Beetlejuice chuckled, flicking his wrist fading into the void for once without a sound.

~~~~~~~~~

He appeared on top of the dark roof, arms folded across his chest admiring the view. The sun was just setting, the sky was a blaze. Orange and red hues burning the fading blue. It kinda reminded him when he watched London burned in the seventeenth century.

So he _ may _ have contributed to the flame. What? He was young. Don't judge. 

A smile quickly turned into a sneer when he felt the shift in energy from behind. He grunted as he adjusted the ill fitting jacket and tie before speaking, "So what did the Breathers do to piss you the Hell off, babe?"

"Why is the man who can't say his own name caring about them?" A cold reply almost like a hiss, "A man who once begged the all powerful Juno for a _ new name _. Isn't that right…Ju-"

"Don't ya finish that fuckin' name." Beetlejuice snapped as he spun on his heels to face the veiled woman, teeth bared in a menacing snarl, "Great, congratulations, you've heard of me. La De fuckin Da."

"Still a raging flame, I see."

"You're testing my ever so little patience. Your aura can be felt all the way in Timbuktu. For someone who had been dead for a while, ya seemed to be bent up on bringin' up the long dead past. I know what ya gonna do, princess." He approached her, a finger in accusation. The word princess dripping with venom "Ya gonna kill the Breathers."

Yellow fangs emerged from beneath the veil as she took a small step forward towards the demon, "Was it that obvious that I was going to kill the couple living in _ my _ house?" Her hands gently pet the label of his jacket, her fanged smile revealing pure jealous contempt. 

"Oh, lost soul, can't you tell that I'm bored? I'm ever so bored."

"Yeah, so am I. But-" Beetlejuice smacked her hands away while taking a large step back; growing ever closer to the edge. 

"But, what? Don't you ever want to know how taking one's life tastes out of boredom? To kill over jealousy once more?" She stated while she advanced towards him. "Don't you desire to see their life flicker into darkness as pain burns through their body?" With every two steps she took, he took four back.

"Yeah...no thanks, babe. Been there done that." He nervously replied as he jolted forward as his heels rocked over the edge, "Don't want to go through that again. A millennia of still having to deal with that specific death is enough for me."

"Oh yes, the whole betraying kiss thing." She cooed petting his moss covered beard, slowly moving down his neck to his chest only to grab the lapel pulling his face close to her vicious fangs "we all know that story… It's a shame… truly is…"

"What?" His deteriorating throat choked as his eyes glanced back to the ground below. His stern face now twisted with confusion. 

"That I can't kill you, J. It's a shame that you're already dead." She whispered in his ear, as she released her grip on his lapel, sending him over the edge. 

A guttural scream ripped from his throat as he fell backwards. His hands trying to summon an ounce of power; just an ounce to stop his descent into Hell. But nothing would come, in all of his afterlife, his powers never failed him but now? What was different? Why now?

As the ground reached up towards his body, it opened up and swallowed him almost like water. Darkness swaddled him, coddling him like a child slowly easing him into a false sense of security before his screams returned as his body slammed into the solid concrete of the Netherworld. 

~~~~~~~

A painful groan followed by a rattling cough as he rolled onto his side, his arms hugging himself as he tried to recover the horrid descent. The veil between the living into the Netherworld tattered. His mind foggy unsure the length of time had past. Another cough rattled his decrepit bones as he looked around and groaned loudly as the familiar clicks of heels against concrete, the smell of cheap cigarette smoke and antique perfume.

“BJ, what brings the pleasure of you screaming as I brought you here in this dastardly hour?” 

Beetlejuice groans as he slams his head back into the concrete, “Don’t ask. Don’t fuckin’ ask. Now why am I."

"Don't play with me. You know why I'm called you here. I know what you are-"

Beetlejuice jumped up from the ground adjusting his jacket and started to walk in a random direction, "yeah, yeah I know. I know. Sorry Juno, got no time to talk. I got some...eh breathers to exorcise."

"_You_ can't exorcise the dead. "

Beetlejuice stopped and slowly turned back towards the ancient woman, "I know that. It's not like I've dealt with this same shit for the past millennia. What do ya think I am? Some newb?"

Juno gave a knowing smile as she took a drag from her cigarette, "And do you believe that I'm a fool? That house you were at… the living who had once owned that house? The Maitlands? They're dead. Killed by an accident in their home no more than thirty minutes ago. One of the support beams gave out and they fell." She pointed her burning end of her cigarette at him and rolled her eyes at the wide eyed look he was giving her, "What? Don't tell me that you actually didn't know about it? Do I finally have the upper hand?"

Normally, Beetlejuice would have the last word against his former boss. He would have had some smartass comments about always having the upper hand over her went it came to the recently deceased. But, it wasn't the time for that when he had anger pooling in his veins. The Woman had thrown him off a roof at his weakest. Teasing him over a past he wanted nothing more than to forget. The Black Veiled Bitch. Yes, that fit better than expected. But one thing was for certain, he had to deal with her. She had the desire to control him and he wasn't having it. It only wanted him to go back to the house. She thought she was able to scare him away? Him? Never. Not now or ever would he be scared by a Child of a Vengeful Spirit. 

He was going to get his way. Now, if only he could find the right door back to that house.

_ ~~~~~~~~~~ _

_ She always wore black ever since he died. Her heart heavy as she walked through the empty hall of the house. The crepe dragging her body as the chin length veil kissed at her lips. She could have worn other mourning colors but she did not. Her heart was heavy, broken from the questions of what ifs and if thens. She would have no life after him for everything in the home reminded her of him.Their life, their love… their everything. _

_ Two years since his death and she still wore the crepe. She still wore black and jet jewelry with only a golden necklace around her neck with his picture inside. She tried to go out and mourn but it never seems to work like that. She was always alone. Utterly alone. As she walked into the vacant parlo, she closed her eyes and eased herself onto the fainting couch, closing her dark empty eyes to rest. _

_ She didn’t hear the front door open. _

_ ~~~~~~ _

The Woman opened her pitch black eyes as she slowly rose from the couch, her hands grasping two blood red stained roses, the steam dripping with fresh blood as she glared down to the opening in the floor. A wicked smile revealed yellow fangs as she stared at the corpses of the recently deceased. She watched as the pink hues morphed into blue, any sign of life fading from them. Soon, they’ll awake.

The Black Veiled Woman rose from the couch, waving a hand as the fireplace burst into life, casting dark shadows around the room. The Handbook materializing before her as a well needed sign for the decadents as they started their lives in the Netherworld. She knelt down as she grabbed the book, flickering through the worn pages before tossing it into the abysmal darkness. What a useless book. She was grateful that she had destroyed her book shortly after her own death. She had much more to do in this pathetic world. 

The Woman chuckled softly as she allowed her being to be absorbed by the shadows, her empty gaze focused at the opening just as Adam was the first to climb up from the fissure. 

"Holy smokes." Adam huffed as he pulled himself from the hole, dried blood painting half of his face "that was some fall. Oh Honey…" he knelt down, grabbing Barbara's hand as it reached up from the hole

"I guess the floor give out?" Barbara gasped as Adam pulled her onto the hole. Her head slightly crooked, she turned her head. Every bone in her neck cracking into place causing her to yelp in surprise as she slowly rose to her feet. She suddenly got cold as she stared at the dark ambiance of her home. Cold, dark, shadows filling every corner of their once happy home..

"I didn't expect the floor to be so weak." Adam turned as Barbara whimpered, holding her arm, "Barbara… " he rushed to her side as she spun around looking at the ceiling , "hey… are you alright?"

Barbara nodded, uneasy from the shadows. It felt like she had someone watching her, obsidian eyes watching their movements, "I-I think so." Her eyes were drawn to the massive wound on his head, "Adam, your head… " 

As they shared brief touches, both Adam and Barbara pulled back in shock, their eyes staring at their hands

"You feel like-"

"Ice!" Barbara rubbed her hands together, shivering "I'll go start a- " she stopped mid stride, her mouth dropping open in surprise, "I don't remember making a fire." She staggered looking back at Adam before rushing to the burning flame.

"Barbara, we must be the luckiest people alive. A-a fall like that- that could have been bad." Adam started to pace, running his hands through his blood caked hair.

Barbara rubbed her hands towards the flame, feeling nothing but an icy chill. She shook her head, confused, "Adam, this is strange. what's going on the fire isn't hot."

"I swear I saw my life flash before my eyes." Adam nervously gasped out, rubbing his arms to warm them, "I was starting to ask the big questions. When were we finally going to have a baby? And was it my-"Adam stopped, his voice leaving him in a strangled gasp as he staggered away from the sight before, "why-why are our bodies still- still in the basement?"

Barbara quickly turned, her hand blindly going into flames, "What did you say?" Barbara watched as Adam sadly looked down at the hole. She waited for her heart to drop but the sensation never came. 

Adam slowly looked back up, his eyes shooting to the flame glowing on her hand, "Uh! Uh!" Adam choked out his finger pointed at the burning hand, "Barbara! Barbara! Your hand!"

Barbara screamed as she ran to Adam waving her hand, trying to extinguish the flame. The flame danced on her skin but never moving. No foul smell of burning flesh filled the room, her skin unchanging. Panic finally set in as Adam, screaming as well patting at the flames. What was happening?

Bingo. 

Beetlejuice pushed opened an old wooden door only to be greeted with darkness. He raised an eyebrow as he stepped in, the world turning into the macabre version of the cheery house he walked in on. The Woman definitely left her mark on the place that was for damn sure. He could still feel her energy, leeching among the shadows watching like a cat for its prey. He suddenly felt like a mouse playing a game. She knew he would question her motives. She knew that he couldn't stop it. He was as powerless than a bag of beans. She probably enjoyed it. 

His boots echoed off the wooden floor, the ambiance was like a prison. He walked through empty halls, staring at the couple's wedding photos. So happy. So alive. So- at least they were seen at one point. At least, they weren't considered the villain in their own story. They don't have to fucking play the game of "Who wants to free a demon?" with every recently deceased person they see. At least, they weren't _ him. _ They aren't a man made demon who is literally the bane of everyone's existence. They aren't fucking alone or forsaken. They never were. They were happy. They were alive. They were loved. 

A scream ravaged his thoughts, he snapped his fingers as he apparated towards the sound, "Whoa, hello." 

Well, at least he found the dead couples. The Couple was panicking, probably assuming they're dead. Oh? Was the chick on fire? Great. Just fucking hilarious. Where was the Black Veiled Bitch at to see this? Was she not entertained enough by her handy work? Killing breathers out of boredom and jealousy, she must had her fill by now. 

But, Beetlejuice knew she was there with him in the dark. Only the Black Veiled Bitch could produce an aura that rival his. Beetlejuice moved silently, his boot kicking something solid, he paused and slowly felt around feeling the old leather beneath his calloused fingers, "What the-" he stared at the Handbook in his hands as the fire illuminated words, "_ Oh _ perfect. Just perfect."

The book felt heavy in his hands, he scanned through the pages, reading the instructions of the decedent's first few moments in the afterlife: The Waiting Room. How boring. 

Beetlejuice hid in the shadows as he walked towards the fire, he chuckled to himself as he tapped his fingers against the cover. Normally, he would try to hire the newcomers to get them to say a living person to say his name. It was simple. Never really worked. He desperate for freedom. He had learned his lesson to say the least. Banned from Heaven and Hell, he was trapped in the inbetween. He had seen it all. He wanted a second chance. 

Juno wasn't going to ruin his chance when a spirit like the Black Veiled Bitch here. Oh didn't he have some words to say to her. No one throws him off a roof and expect him not to come back. She probably didn't expect for the freshly dead to be sticking so they could kick her ass to the Netherworld. More fuel for the flames for him. 

"Now they have to stay." Beetlejuice sneered as he threw the book into the fire, watching as the flames turned green.

"What's happening to us?!" 

"I don't think we survived that fall…" 

"What? Oh...oh God…"

This was his favorite part. The moment when they discover they're in fact dead. The moment when all hope dies just like their bodies. It made him feel like he had some connection with them because he once had hoped for forgiveness but look how that ended up..

"Adam, I know… I… there was so much I wanted to do… we're never going to have that family."

Beetlejuice rolled his eyes as he watched Adam attempt to calm his wife. Sure they were together. But eventually, one is going to want to move on. Then they won't be together much longer. But how much longer was this sappy bullshit going to last? They're bodies are already buried. The floor repaired… soon the house was going to be sold. He needed to get them now. It was either now or never. 

"We're still in our house. We still have our stuff, Barbara. Nothing has to change. Everything can stay the same."

There it was! Beetlejuice adjusted his jacket and spun on his heels with a cheesy grin that only a dead man could produced plastered on his decaying lips as he emerged from the shadows. _ Take it easy, BJ. Don't scare them away. _

"Hi. I'm dead."

The couple screamed loudly with Adam quickly standing in front of his beautiful wife. Not the reaction he expected but at least they didn't run away. 

"But you are also dead" He sneered as he approached them, "Maybe… we can help each other." 

He slowly held out a hand with a sly smile as the Maitlands stared at him and screamed.


	4. New Beginnings

_Abyssus abyssum invocat - Hell calls hell; one misstep leads to another_

~~~~~~~~~

_ No. No. No. No. _

Beetlejuice quickly pulled his hand back as the Maitland ran from him. He followed them around the couch until the point where his patience ran thin and he snapped with a calm expression "Hey! Whoa! Whoa! Shut it for a minute!"

The Maitlands froze, Barbara trembling in the arms of her hubby. The fear in their eyes, the uncertainty of it all was delectable. As much as he loved a good scare this was his only shot to get this right. He strained a smile as he slowly raised his hand up; a peace offering.

"Don't be scared. I..uh… um…" He cleared his throat as he stared at Barbara, a corner of his lips slowly raising in a smug look, "I want us to be… pals." 

They weren't screaming, that's good. Great even. That had to be a good sign. He took a small step, extending his hand towards them. If there was a god or satan or anyone, he hoped that they would listen to his silent beg for them not to be-

They jumped away screaming. Adam's arms still wrapped around his wife tightly. Son of a bitch! He growled withdrawing his hands, pulling at the loose strands of hair on his hand "Okay! Cool! Great! That didn't fucking work!" He spun on his heels, huffing. Idea. Idea. He needed an idea. To bad it wasn't a fucking musical, he could have just sung his intentions away. Maybe that could make the recently deceased couple actually talk to him without screaming. 

"Alright!" Beetlejuice groans loudly spinning back towards the couple. He was going to do what he does best. Winging it. He gives them a friendly but desperate smile, "Alright. Can't sing it so… you're dead. I'm dead. You're lost. I'm not. You have no place to go. I'm-" he reaches out, grasping Barbara's arm gently as if he was trying to show some feeling of sympathy. Feelings were hard. He couldn't deal with it. Too much drama. Feelings got him into this mess in the first place. 

What Beetlejuice did not expect was for Barbara to scream like a banshee, slap him across the face and her husband pushing him away towards the firepit like an angry ghoul. Typical humans. Typical recently deceased married humans. 

" 'ey! What gives babe? Can't a guy show a little sympathy here?"

"Don't touch her, dammit!" Adam snapped pulling Barbara closer to him, protecting her from his venomous glances. 

Come on, he wasn't going to hurt her. Kiss her maybe. But hurt? No way. He had some respect for women. Kissing them, loving on them. Claiming them. But physically hurting them for no reason but a slap… no. 

Beetlejuice chuckled rubbing his cheek as he slowly turned towards the Maitlands. Eyes set specifically on Adam. Though him on the other hand. He's dead. Technically no longer part of the living. He could hurt if desired. No one lays hands on him. The Black Veiled Bitch included. She on the other hand would be the only woman he would purposely hurt. 

He hissed giving them a venomous smile, revealing fangs. He sauntered towards them, slow like a predator. Sizing up Adam before digging his hands into his pockets. Oh, this would be so easy. Psychological and emotional trauma was the best kind of pain. 

"I would be very careful on who you lay your hands on… _ Son _." 

Adam faltered, his defensive stance breaking crumbling aa fast as sand. Hook. Adam stared at him questioning not only him but himself. Line. Adam slowly approached him, trying to see him to piece all together. And sinker. "No… is it?" He looked at Barbara for confirmation but she looked just as lost and confused as he was. Perfect. 

Beetlejuice didn't expect him to have Daddy Issues. But the look on his face told him so fucking much. A weakness. A total weakness that he could exploit. He was after all just winging it, "Adam, it's me. You don't recognize me but I'm your father."

Beetlejuice remained absolutely stoic even though he wanted to laugh in his face. Stupid humans falling for stupid word plays. Adam nervously laughed, looking at his wife in disbelief and slowly but surely the smile faded and he stared right at him. Oh, this was going to be glorious.

"Dad? Is...is it really you?" Adam questioned, patting at his dirt crusted suit. He examined at him, not believing what he was seeing. 

Beetle held in his laughter, chewing on his serpentine tongue. If he could fall for this so easy, how easy would it be to get them to hire him? But the more Adam questioned, the more he couldn't hold it in. 

"Adam, you are so goddamn adorable." _ And oblivious. _ The demon cackled as he wrapped his arms around him pushing Adam back into a kiss.

"Whoa! Whoa! Stop!" Barbara yelled as she pushed him away from her husband. Adam turning away gagging, being a bit over dramatic "Who the heck are you? What the heck is happening?"

Beetlejuice ran a finger along his lips, wiping whatever taste Adam left on his lips and licked it. His inhuman tongue flickering from behind his teeth. He chuckled to himself as he stared at Barbara adjusting his jacket and tie, "Now that's what I like to hear." 

With a wave of his hand, a small business card appeared in his right hand like a card. Beetlejuice stared at the card briefly before sending it away, "We'll get to that later. Semantics and bullshit like that. Let's just say if you hire me I'll be yer official bonafide guide to the Other Side. The other side being yer house and not the Netherworld."

"The Neitherworld?" Adam coughed out cleaning out his mouth with his shirt

"No." Beetlejuice pout as a grey hat that read 'guide' appeared on top of his head, " ya don't wanna go there too. That's pretty much one step closer to Saturn. The _ Netherworld _ is the place where all recently deceased go to uh… do things. I'ma talkin' about stayin' here showing you the ropes of the 'Whole Being Dead Thing' " Uh Oh, whoever bought the house is starting to make their presence

"Why go to that piece of shit place when you can stay and scare the livin' shit out of the people who bought your house?!" He cackled as the front door burst open like magic and a group of movers walked into the house, moving things that the Maitlands had found so dearly.

"No! Adam!" Adam rushed to the movers who had picked up the couch with great ease "Stop them!" Barbara rushed to the dinner table where all of her nicknacks and pottery jugs laid forgotten. Her hands cutting right through them unable to touch, "This doesn't make any sense! We just died! They can't be taking all of-"

"Actually, they can." Beetlejuice appeared near adjacent wall pretending he was cleaning his nails, "Time moves differently when yer dead. It's been about…." He pulled up a sleeve to look at the variety of watches on his wrist. Beetlejuice hummed as he tapped one, bringing it up to his ear and nodded, "That's what I thought. I'd say that it's been a month since ya lovebirds kicked the bucket." 

"A month?! That's impossible! It can't be a month already!" Adam yelled as he chased after a mover while carried out the dining room table.

The demon stood, appearing suddenly leaning against the doorway of the front door watching as the Maitlands bickered, squealed, and squawked as they chased after the movers as they slowly moved their largest pieces one by one out of the home. He laughed as he watched then flap their arms wildly like birds trying to fly to get their attention. Clearly, they should know by now that they can't be seen. He should have told them but it was so damn entertaining watching recently deceased try to figure that out. 

"They can't see us!" Adam finally declared after what seemed like an eternity of squawking 

"Oh keen observation there, son." The demon scoffed rolling his eyes while adjusting his tie as he lunged towards Adam, using his weakness to his advantage. Adam staggered back moving back multiple steps until he fell into a chair that suddenly appeared behind him. 

"Ya see guys. The Living ignore the dead. We are invisible. Breathers only care about their stupid little lives that they never notice anything strange or unusual … unless _ you _ make them. And that's why ya need me." Beetlejuice threw himself onto Adam's lap, wrapping his arms around Adam's neck like a newlywed couple grinning madly, "anymore questions, _ son _?"

"Wait! Hold on!" Barbara exclaimed pulling the demon off of her husband onto the floor. Her body shuddering at the gross feeling between her fingers, "You will help us?"

Beetlejuice quickly recovered, groveling on his knees, his voice high like a begging child, "For a price. Just a teeny weeny price. Ya even call it a favor if ya like. "

"This-this is going way too fast." 

Beetlejuice growled as he floated back onto his feet at Barbara's sudden withdrawal. He almost had her. Almost had them in the palm of his hands.

"I mean we just died. Now you're here. Now these movers are talking all of our stuff! I just need a moment to-"

Beetlejuice quickly raised his hand to silence her, "Oh Babs. Can I call ya that? Babs?" He sighs as he stands right beside Adam throwing his arm around his shoulder, chuckling as he felt Adam tense up, reaching up to pull his arm off of him. Not a chance, Adam. Not a chance. 

"I get it._ I get it. _ I heard a saying recently that the hardest thing in life is: death, moving, and starting a new job. Think of this way, yer doing all three at the same goddamn time. So… Babs, take that metaphorical deep breath, relax… and…" he gritted his teeth out of pure desperation, " _ hire me _."

"No! Put that down!" Adam jumped up as the movers stomped down the stairs carrying the polished crib, chasing after them

"Shit, man. Whomever did this put way too much varnish on this. Good thing it's goin' to the dump."

Adam felt a force pushing him back as he reached the door, forcing him tumbling to the floor. He scrambled to his feet, grabbing his wife, "Did they just say the dump?"

Beetlejuice smirked as he looked up from dirty nails, "Yes, Adam. They said the dump."

"They can't take that to the dump! That's mine!"

"Oh they sure most certainly can… " he wiped off hundred-years old from his sleeves, "and if ya guys don't hire me. Every single last thing of yers is goin' ta the dump." 

"Adam… we.. we have to-" 

"Oh please say yes. Please. Please. _ Please _ say yes!" This was it. Was he finally going to have his chance for freedom?! Juno has yet to interfere. The Black Veiled Bitch has yet to show her mug face. He was so close to freedom now that he could taste it 

"But. Barbara….he-"

NO! Beetlejuice released a feral growl as he could feel his ticket to freedom slowly slipping away. 

"He gives me the creeps."

Oh! Much better! Beetlejuice straighten up with a cheesy smile as he rushed to hug his so called 'son' "Aww Adam! Thanks! You give me a boner!"

"WILL YOU KNOCK THAT OFF!" Adam screamed a he stoved the demon away from him in disgust forcing the demon to roll onto the floor in laughter, "You are not my father!'

"Are ya sure about that?" Beetlejuice asked wheezing, "Ya keep changin' yer damn mind!"

"You're hired!" Barbara injected stomping her feet, staring at her husband, "On the condition that you please quit flirting with my husband!"

"Oh Babs…." He clenched his chest out of fake offense, he groaned as he appeared right behind her mocking her before gently grabbing her arms "ya call that flirting? Nonono. I'm just exploiting a weakness. I'm soooo sorry that yer husband over there has daddy issues."

"Hands!" Beetlejuice obeyed slowly lifting his hands from her arms, sneering at Adam. This was going to be fun. 

"We should go…" he took an exaggerated breath, hissing into the women's ear, slowly moving his fanged mouth towards her neck "I smell breathers."

"Go? G-Go where?" 

Beetlejuice flicked his inhuman tongue through his teeth, laughing as he nudged her towards her husband, "Don't ya guys have an attic? A house like this has to have one…. Come on!" He cackled as he grabs onto his new 'partners' shoulders, a sinister smile growing, "We've got some stuff to learn."

"Wait! Wait! Hold on! Hold-" there was a loud crack in the air just as a large suede grey loveseat was forced through the front door, crashing into the closest wall. The house was silent as the dead for a brief moment until the sounds of a car pulling into the gravel driveway filled the empty rooms. 

~~~~~~~~

It had been six months, fourteen days, five hours, ten minutes, and fifty-two seconds since the day she claimed she was going crazy. She couldn't forget it. The man who appeared more dead than alive wearing only tattered and stained clothes. He disappeared as fast as he appeared in her sight. 

Lydia claimed it was a dream but until she saw him speaking to the victim of a car crash. His voice reminded her a sick man who's throat was closing in on himself. Moss and mold growing on his face, hair appearing kissed by a horrid storm. His jaded eyes holding secrets, dark malicious secrets; black as the night, wild and demonic. She had watched him beat a brick wall out of anger, growling like a wild beast. He was an ember in a forest; an untapped blaze waiting to explode. He was a dark shadow that only she could see; a monster hiding in the depths of her memories. This man…was terrifying as he was mysterious; and curiosity had always plagued her. She only wanted more.

That's it. She had to be going crazy. It was a dream. It had to be. There couldn't be a man who appeared at funerals and major car crashes. There couldn't be a man that only she could see. Lydia had always known that she was strange and unusual. She had interests in things that people her age shouldn’t have likes in. She didn’t see the good side of things. Everything was dark. Everything happens for a reason But why her? Was this the result of everything? The accident that killed her mom? The sudden appearance of another woman in her life? Was it because Dad seemed to move on without acknowledging the fact that Mom died in a horrible careless way? 

Everything around was changing so fast. Supersonic and unable to catch up. She was drowning in all of the motions. The woman that appeared in her life- Delia was only around because Dad wanted her to be her ‘life coach’ so she could not be so  _ moody.  _ What Lydia didn’t expect her to be more of a pain in the ass than expected. It was Delia’s idea to move her from the city and the dark despair that clouded her life into the country to recover. ‘It will help her, Charles. She could be so happy.’ Yeah fucking right. It made her worse. What was supposed to ‘help’ her turned into a potential business opportunity for her Dad. Luckily that meant, they didn't have to move. His business opportunity was simple: A gated community with identical houses upon a hill filled to the brim with rich stuck up families who would do nothing but drink their wine and smoke their fancy cigarettes. 

As the car drove up the massive dirt road to the house, empty eyes stared at the white fixture of the house, dark windows reflected the dying sun rays. She shook her eyes as she stared at the camera in her hands. Lydia paused, taking a breath before rolling down her window and took a picture.

"Lydia, close your window! You're going to get dust and grime in here." 

Everything was changing so fast. That woman- Delia had been coming around her more often. She absolutely despised her. Dad had once told her that Delia was her 'life coach' to help her not be so _ moody _ . What Lydia didn't expect was for Delia to be the biggest pain in the ass she had ever faced. Crystals. A good mantra to life. Positivity. Yoga. _ Gross _. 

"And did you ever think that maybe I wanted dust and grime in the car, Delia?" Lydia groaned as she raised up her camera taking a picture of the distant white house on a hill. The house had a bizarre cheery Victorian feel to it. The white didn't seem to fit the feel of it. Even from the distance she could tell that there were dark, horrible things trapped within. She didn't want to enter it but her father being who he was was making her, ignoring what she really wanted. Not caring. She didn't know how much longer she could bare being invisible to literally everyone, only having her named called when she was being beckoned like a dog. 

"I for one do not want to be exposed to the nasty pathogens in the air."

Charles glanced back to her with a stern look on her face, "Lydia, dear I'm giving you one chance to close that window or-"

"Or what? You gonna blatantly ignore me and send that dog after me because I'm 'moody'?" Lydia snapped she watched her tinted window rise up obstructing her view of the white house on the hill. 

"Lydia, I said en-"

"Lydia!" Delia gasped, turning her body around to face her, confounded. She grasped her chest nearly whimpering, "What a horrible thing to say about me. I am not a dog of any sort. I really thought we were starting to form a connection here."

"Yeah." Lydia rolled her arms as she hugged her camera, "a connection of pure and utter dismay. I'm going to tell you again that I-"

The black suburban came to a sudden stop outside of the white house on the hill, jerking Lydia in her seat sending her camera onto the floor of the car. Lydia groaned loudly as she went to pick up the camera when her father declared "Alright! Everyone out of the car! It's time to check out our new flagship!"

"Great…" Lydia rolled her eyes as she unbuckled her seatbelt and climbed out of the car, "Just another day in corporate culture. A glorious white house gated community in the middle of fucking no-"

"Lydia, language. " Charles warned harshly before releasing a loud deep sigh, "Now pumpkin, please try to be a little understanding with Delia, please? She's only trying to-" 

"Help?" Lydia finished raising her camera up to the highest point of the house, taking a picture of the empty windows.

"_ Guide _you, Lydia." He injected as he approached the old worn down steps, waving her off, " She's only trying to guide and teach you how to deal with your…emotions." 

Lydia notice a flicker of black and white in one of the windows through her camera. It was quick and sudden almost . One second there and next it was not. She lowered her camera briefly before looking at her dad, "Yeah, I wouldn't call yoga, crystals, and positivity on the whole magnitude of life helping with my attitude on 'life'."

"We'll discuss this later then." 

Lydia rolled her eyes as she watched her father enter the house, groaning as she could hear the chime of that stupid little triangle Delia carried around to 'check the energy levels'. Bad energy met no good. Good energy met they stayed. She waited a moment to see if Delia would come bolting out of the house like she did in Salem and they would leave. Hopefully back to New York. But the moment passed and Delia the klutz had yet to run out. Oh no. Shit. Delia wasn't running out. She stayed inside that only meant... the house had good energy. They were to stay. Great….

She released an overdramatic groan as she fell onto the couch sitting outside, her eyes slowly drifting up the highest point of the house. Her eyes widening as she watched the flicker of dirty white and black in the window. Lydia lurched into a sitting position, her gaze never leaving the window but it was gone. 

"What…" she breathed out, her eyes frantically going from window to window. That was impossible. She didn't- no. Lydia shook her head dismissing what she had seen. She was going crazy after all. There was no way that a depressed gothy teen could see the same thing in different places, nearly following her wherever she went. 

Lydia threw herself back into a lying position on the couch, her hands folded over her camera as she stared up towards the clouded sky. Slowly the cold sensation of someone watching her returned, her heart started to rush, her body already pose to run if need be. Her breath hitched in her chest as her mind told her to turn her head towards the house. As her gaze turned towards the house, a black veiled woman stood in the casted shadows, only appearing in the corners of her sight with a sickening yellow fanged grin. 


	5. Dead Mom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now this chapter is pretty much straight from the musical expect for a few things in the beginning and for some line changes
> 
> Just a reminder that this is a canon rewrite and that tags ate subjected to change

_ When Grief is deepest, words are fewest- Ann Voskamp _

_ ~~~~~~~~ _

_ The day the Cholera outbreak struck the town, they thought the world was going to end. People were dying faster than they could bury them. Townsfolk were fearful of the dead, quickly burying them in a mass grave in the cemetery. She thought that she and her family would be safe. She thought that they could avoid the sickness that plagued the town. But, they were wrong. _

_ She watched her parents wither before her eyes. Their sickly form replacing what she knew as her parents. Her mother was the first to go. Mere days after the devil's illness first struck the house. Days later, her father passed as just as violently. Helpless and unable to part with their empty shells, the girl barely seventeen was forced to become a woman. A woman who didn't expect to be orphaned at such a young age.  _

_ Grief overwhelmed her. The woman drowned in darkness, her heart heavy with loss. Wishes of death plagued her. Death became a luxury no money could buy. Her heart died the day her parents died. No light in the world would be able to pull her from such sorrow.  _

~~~~~~~

The Woman in Black watched as the thing she had once learned as a car pull up to the gravel road to her home. When will they learn their lesson? They are not welcomed here. Their living bodies still fill with joy that she could never have. Their flesh fill with life and youth that she desired. It was unfair. Life was precious until it was ripped away from the very soul. 

She sneered from her dilapidated unmarked grave. A series of sandstone bricks, dirt and wicked thorns protruding from the basement. Her body nothing more but shattered pieces of bone and dust. Anger fueled her being as she watched the living emerge from the dark vehicle. Two adults and- her eyes widen as she watched a young girl who reminded her so much of her once upon a time climb out of the car. 

She was so young. So pale. Her black gown held together by pins and lace. Hair as black as a Raven's wing. A girl in grieving like she once was so many years ago. Her interest towards the girl cultivated the moment she argued with the older man. Her father no less. The girl still had her father and her mother… then why was she grieving? 

A girl alone in the world. Her youthful face, a gaze full of childlike curiosity that She had desired to have once more. Skin full of youth instead of decay. Eyes full of childlike curiosity instead of black endless horror. Even from a distance, She saw herself in the girl. She wanted to be her. 

The Woman shifted in the shadows towards her, her gaze never leaving the girl. A sickening grin stretched across her decayed face. She was so close, so alive. If only she knew how to take her life for hers.

She watched the girl paled, the heat of her rapidly beating heart radiated towards her. The girl could sense her. Goosebumps formed on her soft flesh, a gasp escape from her young body as she slowly turned her head towards her.

"Are you-" her soft voice choked out.

The Woman chucked only to watch the alarmed face fade to uncertainty. Though her interest turned to questions. The girl was not fearful of her like the former occupants. The girl seemed curious as if she could…  _ see _ Her. It wasn't an illusion like last time. Could she see Her as she was? 

Her black hollowed eye sockets narrowed as she watched the grey couch get carried into the house, taking the girl with her. She growled in frustration, she wanted to know. Did the girl see Her or not? Her body slowly morphed into the shadows creeping back to the ruins that was her resting place when she felt him come back. Jaded eyes full of fury and vengeance. 

She blew him a kiss watching as the demon shriveled in disgust. A demon who bedded any woman who came near repulsed by Her. Red painted her eyes as he released a menacing snarl

"Ya can't get rid of me that easily. It's gonna take more than throwin' me off a building to get rid of me."

"Oh, but I'm sure I can find something much worse…" 

~~~~~~~~~

Lydia felt off, her mind still reeling from the Black Veiled Woman who appeared in the corner of her vision. She thought she had seen her just like the man in stripes, how it was her grieving depressed mind giving her hallucinations in hope that maybe Dead Mom was here too. That's what her father told her it was anyway. But he was too busy to actually see or care that it was otherwise. 

Entering the house felt no different. A strange cold energy lingered nearly stealing her breath away as the movers lowered the couch onto the floor. What Delia found in this house energy wise was dead wrong. There was something weird about this house.

"-almost anything Charles." 

Lydia groans as she rests her hands across her camera staring up the white spackled ceiling, "Hey Dad."

"Not now, pumpkin. Daddy is trying to finish planning out our-"

That hurt. The one moment where she wants to tell him that she felt something was wrong with the house was the moment that he decided that he didn't care. What was it going to take for him to actually care? To see her?

"Does the couch make me look dead?"

Charles frowned as he slapped the blueprint against the wooden table as he turned to face her" I already told I'm not answering any of those questions, Lydia." he scowled as he tapped the blueprint on her feet, "Get your feet off of the display couch."

"Oh, that's how I'm going to die!" Lydia quickly sat up from the couch, dragging her feet from the soft cushions, "Dad you better put this on my tombstone. 'Lydia Deetz died on a Display Couch."

Charles groaned as he turned away from his daughter, "Lydia, I'm-"

"Oh Lydia!" Delia was quick to intrude stepping between father-daughter pair, "Lydia, darling didn't we talk about the whole sad, saddy, sadness… stuff. And… " She gently pats her shoulder, "do you remember what I said?"

"Uh… yeah?" Lydia rolled her eyes rolling her shoulders back to prevent another unwanted pat, her voice in a mocking sing-song tone "Lydia stop acting so weird. You really don't know how desperate I am for this-"

"Lydia! No!" Delia nervously laughed as she smoothed her dress and patted her hair for loose strains, "No….. no. I'm quite sure that I quoted my-"

"Blah blah blah. My Guru Ortho blah blah." Lydia snickered as she went to throw herself back onto the display couch but Delia's firm grip on her arm

"As I was saying, my Guru Ortho said sadness is like that one ugly Christmas sweater that no one ever asked for."

"Like I never asked for you?" Lydia sneered as she pulled her arm away from Delia and threw herself back onto the display couch, "Dad, how long we have to stay here? I wanna go back home."

"About that. Remember when Delia suggested that we move for your benefit?" Charles closed the blueprint and turned towards his daughter. He watched as she hesitantly nods sitting up from the couch, "What would you say that this is our new home?"

Lydia gasped loudly as she threw herself off the couch, running her shoulder into Delia's as she rushed to her father. She had thought that this was a joke. They couldn't be serious about actually moving. She didn't want to move. She was close to Dead Mom if she stayed. A disgusted look planted on her face as she tried to hide her upset, "I would say that you have fallen down that flight of stairs right there and developed a severe case of retrograde amnesia. Because we have a house, Dad. This is not it. This is not our home."

"Right. Right. I see what you're saying but-" Charles waved her off, motioning Delia to come closer, "I mean…. Lydia… pumpkin after all we've been through-" 

Lydia's eyes narrowed at her father's hesitation to bring up her Dead Mom,  _ his _ wife,  _ his _ soul mate. How could it be that hard to bring up someone who they were supposed to love even after death? It wasn't like she never existed. Dead Mom was real and she was alive at one point. He should regard her as such.

"Maybe we deserve a fresh start. A redo on our differences. So… I sold the house and this is our home now."

"What?" Lydia hissed in disbelief as she shrugged of Delia's touch on her shoulder. This… this couldn't be happening. Memories lived in that house. Everything that had to do with Dead Mom lived in that house. How could have just thrown it all away for some stupid white house on a stupid hill in the middle of nowhere middle class America?

"And it still holds a fantastic business opportunity. I wasn't lying when I said that this was going to be our new Flagship. This is a win-win for both of us."

"No!" Lydia followed her father like a lost child as he opened up the doors for the movers, hoping that it wasn't true, "You can't do this. Dad. Dead Mom loved that house." Charles froze at the mention of Dead Mom. It gave her a little bit of hope that they could go back. A business opportunity was one thing but actually living in it was another. This wasn't home. Home where her Dead Mom was, "She lived in that house. You can't just throw her out like that."

"I am not-" Charles sighed as he turned to face Lydia with concern, "Dead Mom? Lydia, I thought I told you not to refer to your mother like that." 

"Why not? She's my Mom and she's dead. You're the one who refuses to talk about her. You're the one who likes she never existed. "

"No, Pumpkin. It's because I'm trying to-" Charles hesitates pinching the bridge of his nose. Lydia could see the pain hiding beneath the hardened exterior. Why could he just say her name? Mention her. See her. This was the only time Lydia could be seen is when she mentions Dead Mom. Let her be seen. Let her live again, "it's because we need to-"

Lydia's hope died when her father turned away from her. The sadness in his eyes morphing to match the hardened exterior, "Delia, come do your job. Life coach her. Do something."

"Dad, I-" Lydia went to go follow him, her heart dropping from her chest. Why couldn't he say her name? "Dad, I-"

"Oh Lydia!" Delia quickly stepped in front of her stopping her before she made it to the fireplace where her father was standing , "Knock Knock."

Lydia rolled her eyes groaning as she tried to walk around her but Delia became her shadow, always following her, "Delia, come on ...can you please get out of my way?"

"Knock. Knock." Delia's voice was a bit firmer now even when she finished her own joke, "Who's there? Happiness!"

"No!" Lydia hissed as she held her hands up to her life coach's face and backed away from her, "Delia! Stop!" She groaned as she dragged her feet away from the life coach and went back to her father, "Dad… remember when we moved into the house? It was all old and run down? Remember we were fixing it up. Just the three of us… Dad, remember when she would sing that song? Shake, shake, shake Señora. Shake your body line. Shake, shake-"

"Lydia." His voice quivered, unable to meet her eyes, "I have work to do." Charles slowly met her solemn gaze, "Now you listen to me. You have moped around for months now. All dressed in black. Obsessing about the idea of death. I understand you were in mourning but that is done. Your month has been gone for almost a year now."

"Dad, that doesn't mean that we can-

Delia stood awkwardly at the couch, coaching Chatles for a series of hand motions and signs. Charles stared at her, trying to decipher what she was trying to convey. He shook his head not getting the first series of signs and went to get closer but Delia shook her head and clarified the hand motions "That means we… must move … forward! Yes! All of us!" 

"Dad!" Lydia moans trying to get him to see what she sees. She wasn't ready to move forward or to move on. She still wanted to hold onto the memories and stories and not push Dead Mom aside like she never existed. 

"We're moving forward. New house. New life. Right, Delia?" Charles smirked as he went to go meet the life coach in the center of the room. The movers once again bringing another load of boxes and bizarre Delia made statues leaving Lydia surrounded by memories of what had been. 

"Maxie Dean will be here in two weeks. Two weeks. We have two weeks to make this place a model home with a model family living inside. I expect a lot of changes for the house and everyone inside it" Charles smirked at Delia, eyeing her body as he started leading her up the stairs. Delia giggled as she playfully smacked his chest and pointed to the girl, "Lydia?"

Lydia looked up from the sea of boxes at her father, already feeling the pulling sensation of drowning on air, "Yeah?"

"You know you won't let me down, right?"

"Yeah… it would be terrible if we all let each other down…" Lydia sighed softly as she grabbed the box of her items and sat down on the couch and started to dig through it until she found an old family photo album.

"Dead Mom… I'm alone, utterly alone…. Why is it that I only have you?"

_ Oh sweet little child in mourning, if only you ever knew…. _

Lydia froze as she slowly turned to face the sound of an ice cold laugh only to find nothing there. 


	6. Fright of Your Lives

While the living was moving on with their lives, Adam and Barbara sat quietly in the attic, waiting for their hired Bio-Exorcist to return from a matter that he couldn't quite say. It was sudden. He had stopped mid sentence from some joke about nachos after staring out the window, hissing loudly before disappearing as a sudden gust of wind. That was what Adam guessed four days ago. But if what the man said about how time went differently, it could've been longer. It could be a month or two or even a year. They would never truly know. 

It felt like another hour has passed leaving Barbara restless. She had paced the entire length of the attic more times that she can count. If she was alive, the floor would have been worn to the point of breaking. 

"How much longer, Adam? I feel like we're in that doctor's office all over again." 

"Barbara, maybe he got caught up with something. He said he was the leading Bio-Exorcist… probably had another important… call?" Adam replied as he sat down in the old couch, pinching the bridge of his nose. Grateful that he finally had got the hang of not falling through objects. Adam, like his wife was getting restless but tried his best to hide it. He spent most of the time staring at the old dried wood polish stain on the floor. A reminder of one of the last things he did alive.

"I don't think so Adam. Did you see him? He stared at the window, growled like a feral beast and his hair turned red! He… he is…" Barbara stammers pulling at her strands of hair

"I'm what, Babs? Drop dead sexy?" There was a crack between them as Beetlejuice appeared with a cigarette in hand laying on the couch, his legs resting upon Adam's, the ends of his hair still a vibrant red.

"Will you mind?" Adam protested as he pushed the demon's legs away from him in disgust, "I thought I told you not to be lounging all over me."

"Adam." Beetlejuice puffed out a cloud of smoke and scowled at the man, his jaded eyes turning red as his hair "If I was in a better mood, I would be on you in a second" an unearthly growl resonated from his chest as he leaned closer to the human ghost, fangs bared ready to strike "But I'm not… so I  ** _rather you keep your damn mouth shut and leave me alone._ ** "

"I-uh- okay!" Adam slid off the couch, scrambling to his wife's side, pulling her close to him, "No need to go all… whatever you're doing."

"Aren't we supposed to be getting these people out of our home?" Barbara chimed in approaching the red tinged being regardless of her husband's timid demeanor. She staggered back when she heard the inhuman growl, smoothing out her dress. 

"I'm sorry… but we hired you to help us get our house back and not for you to be… be...moping on our couch smoking cigarettes-"

"Which you shouldn't be doing by the way!" Adam injected over his wife's shoulder pointing at the couch "That's antique upholstery you're laying on!"

Beetlejuice was silent as the grave he laid in, the cigarette loosely hanging from his lips. The silence between the dead was deafening until he slowly blew out his smoke.

"Adam." His voice was oddly calm as he turned his head towards the recently deceased couple, his eyes a faded blood red, "What did Daddy tell you?" A third arm slowly grew from his chest bringing another cigarette to his lips, "You don't want to make Daddy angry, don't ya?"

"Will you stop-!"

"There is obviously something bothering you." Barbara Do you want to talk about it? It's just that we don't have enough time before-"

"Babs I get it. You want your house back but we got a lotta things to go over first." He finished his first cigarette flicking the butt into infinity as he sat up and took the other cigarette from third arm making it disappear. He puffs out a cloud of smoke as he adjusts his sleeves, "First, it's clear that we aren't the only ones here. You got breathers down those stairs and…" 

Beetlejuice paused as he pulled the cigarette from his lips, flicking some of the ash off the tip onto the floor. He debated if he should tell the couple of their prior guest and ultimate killer. It would ready one helluva shock to their already dead system that there were four ghostly spirits under one roof and two of them were as dangerous as they come. Yeah, no. He could lose them in a stilled heartbeat.

"Me. So in order to fix the whole breathers shindig. We...well I mean me is gonna have to-" He sighs loudly making the cigarette disappear with a wave of his fingers, his hair slowly turning back to the moss green "Hmm, how to put this nicely. You two? Are a bunch of losers."

Adam and Barbara stared at each other briefly in a face that Beetlejuice couldn't tell was offended or agreement or even just good old fashioned confusion. He was just about to laugh in their faces go on about some hypothetical plan they would do like ripping their faces off or tearing their heads from necks like a bunch of newb dumbasses when Barbara quickly rose her hand like the obedient schoolgirl she once was waiting patiently to ask whatever was on her mind. He rolled his eyes and scoffed as he leaned against a wall picking at his permanently disgusted nails.

"Why yes, Barbara?" He asked in a sophisticated European pompous accent, "Is there anything you would like to share with the class?"

"Uh… yes…sorry" Barbara cleared her throat as she smoothed out her dress and looked around nervously, "Why are we in the attic?"

"Because like I said, Babs. You guys are losers." He groaned as he flicked off an imaginary fleck of dirt and shuffled towards the couple, "I'm not gonna go into details but if ya go down there right now and scare those breathers yer just gonna make an ass out of the both of ya and me. Like I'm good for a nice piece of ass now and then but I'm not gonna be some show piece for some losers who don't know how to scare. So in order for that not to happen, I'm gonna have to teach ya."

"Oh!" Adam seemed oddly perky for this part as he stood up with an upbeat smile, "Barbara, it's like one of our adult recreational classes."

"Uh what?" Beetlejuice coughed, his tie feeling a little tighter than usual as he watched married couple pull out notebooks and Adam putting on a pair of… what the Hell? Were those grandpa glasses? 

"Adult recreational classes." Barbara answered sighing as she fiddled with a dull pencil, "You know, Ballroom dancing and stuff like backyard composting and-"

"We had just finished up with this amazing glass blowing class." Adam finished with an annoying dreamy look that made Beetlejuice wished he had a dull blade to slit his scarred throat with. But even that look faded into a look of boredom "though that wasn't as fun as we thought it would be."

"Oh yeah, we nearly set the building on fire on our first day." So the teacher just had us sit there and watch while we drank wine. The teacher she didn't like us that well."

"She was also a Wiccan. You know Barbara, this is kinda reminding of that class."

"Oh my…" Beetlejuice growled as he pinched the bridge of his nose. These people really had taken some fucked up shit or his hearing has gotten worse in the last century. Did totally didn't seem like the type of middle class suburban couple to take sex classes but whatever floated their sinking boat. "Adam. First off, I'm not wiccan, I'm a fucking jew. Two, does it look like I'm gonna teach ya how to blow someone's ass?"

"Jesus Christ, no! No-no-no-no!" Beetlejuice cringed at the mention of the name not even caring about the disgusted looks he was giving them," Glass! We said glass."

Oh, now that made more sense. So it was his hearing that was fucking with him. Beetlejuice growled as he picked at his ear pulling out an ear worm and promptly ate it with a shrug, "Eh. Glass, ass, whatever. Ya can still blow both. Now don't ya these people out of yer house or what?"

"Definitely." The couple seemed to be very in sync with each other from finishing each other's sentences, probably sandwiches, and saying things at the same damn time. He was thankful finally that it wasn't some murder-suicide like he's dealt with in the past. Those were some messed up cases and they never listened. 

"Then, we gotta teach ya how to scare them."

"But why can't you go down there and scare them for us?"

A sly smile grew on his darkened face as he crooked his finger causing the notebook to levitate from Barbara's lap. She was quick to try to catch it but it burst into flames. The Maitlands panicking as they watched an entire lifetime of stupid "adult recreational classes" notes burn into ash. Beetlejuice found the entire thing amusing, watching Adam struggle to pick up charred remains of the notebook while Barbara was trying to grab the burning notebook as if the fire was going to burn her. Didn't they learn the first time that they couldn't get hurt?

He waved a hand and the notebook and ash disappeared, "There. No more recreational classes. And to answer your question Babs, unlike you I have the bare minimal influence on the living world. Everything I do is pretty much an accident. Some important guy or whatever had his face blown off during a big parade because I sneezed and scared the fucker with the rifle. I sneeze and I get someone killed. I kiss someone and they get-" he growled loudly adjusting his jacket and tie as a few strands of his hair turn back to red.

He huffed loudly as he stands over the Maitlands, his lips twitching into a scowl, "You can call them… 'not so happy accidents'. But you guys-" he snapped his fingers and pointed at the couple, " can do anything and not kill someone."

"Did you just misquote Bob Ross?" Adam slowly stood up from the floor looking at his wife who was nodding in agreement, "Barbara, did he just misquote-"

"Well…." He shrugged having not stop ranting on his speech, "unless ya want to. That I can't stop ya but it would totally defeat the-"

"No! No! Stop right there!" Adam tenses up as Beetlejuice appears behind his shoulder suddenly stopping in his speech, "We don't want to kill anyone."

"Oh my fucking-" his brow furrowed as he grasp the man's shoulder, nails digging into his cold flesh making him whelp and kneel to the floor "Adam, it was a figure of speech. Ya really need to learn how to relax and not assume that everyone is gonna die at this very moment, 'kay? They're gonna die just not… right…-"

"Okay! Okay! Okay!" Adam protested flailing his arms around to get the demon off his back

"Hey! Stop! Just-just show us in what to do then!" Barbara struggled to pull Adam away from the demon's grasp. She made a disgusted look when she was forced to touch the demon's dirt, mold, and grime covered hand pulling it away from her husband's shoulder. 

"Perfect!" Beetlejuice's sly grin grew as he grasped the couple by the back of their collars pulling them back onto their feet, "First things first, on the count of three I want you bozos to scream out the most terrifying thing you can think of. Ready? One. Two. Thr-"

"A Trader Joe's parking lot!"

"Senators that have been in office for thirty years or more! There is no reason for them to be in office for so long and not get anything done!"

Barbara cheered turning to her husband, kissing his cheek, "Oh, that was a great one honey."

Beetlejuice stared at the couple, mouth ajar in pure annoyance. The couple clearly did not live in life if they were afraid of stupid parking lots and old decrepit men in a building. But then again seeing their house and their belongings, and the fact that they took recreational education classes only proved that they were a boring hipster couple who were trying to cling to the fading years of youth left and failing. 

"I-uh-" For the first time since his death, Beetlejuice was at a loss of words. Every thought that comes through his decaying mind only resulted in him wanting to yell at them for being so… 

"Okay. Alright. So, this is gonna be harder than I thought. I didn't realize how… how…" Fuck, he couldn't even speak without wanting to just give up and pray that another dead person wasn't so stupid or if the Black Veiled Bitch gets her next victim. 

"Well educated?" Barbara was the first to speak up to 'help' finish whatever he was going to say which wasn't going to be good. 

"No."

"Well informed with the latest trends of today's youth." Leave it to Adam to say something so hipster. Clearly, Beetlejuice even realized that they were far from being well informed on any shit if they spent most of their living rofe taking mundane recreational classes. 

"Oh fuck no. Ya guys are more boring than I thought." Different tactics and fast, Beetlejuice pulled Barbara to one side of the attic and Adam to the other as he paced the length of the attic, his decaying mind working as fast as it could to come up with an idea. He snapped his fingers as an idea formed across his decayed brain cells. A sly grin formed on his face as he stopped in the center of the attic, addressing the couple, "Okay. Okay. Okay. Alright, so, here's how we're gonna do this...."

\--------------

Teaching the Maitlands had turned out to be an impossible feat. A feat only god/satan would curse him with. After what seemed like a millennium, Beetlejuice had attempted to teach them how to scare. Pressing the whole unfinished business and violent death as a motivation why they should haunt. They had to be mean and nasty in order to be seen and scare them. 

But no, they wanted to remain passive. No hurting, no anger, creepy, nothing. They wanted to be kind and quiet ghosts. When time runs differently and your desperate, there was no such thing as being kind and patient. 

"No! No! Once again, ya have to be mean. Ya have to be creepy! Yer going to have to cause a bit of pain to know yer serious,"  He growled as he rubbed the corners of his eyes, his body lazily hovering above the couple as they struggle once more to a simple thing as possession. He had tried showing them things that would easily make them seen like throwing their voice or slamming doors even shit they would see in the Exorcist . But he wasn't surprised when they said they've never seen it. 

"Ya gotta act like yer gonna kill them."

"Again we don't want to kill or hurt them!" Adam protests as he takes off his glasses and rubs his face, "We just want them gone. Right, Bar-"

Barbara hushes him, waving him off as she focused on trying to possess the glass of water that Beetlejuice had conjured for them. Her hands clenched tightly on her side, eyes narrowed and her dead cheeks growing flush from the energy she was putting in. To be honest, Beetlejuice was impressed. She was quiet and devoted, eager to learn, unlike her husband was almost insufferable and whiny like every other spirit he had met in the past millennia. 

"Adam, Adam, dear sexy Adam." He groans as he lands beside the man, trying to remain calm as possible but even then his nonexistent patience was thin, "I don't know how many times I have to repeat myself but in order to scare them out of yer house, yer gonna have to scare the living piss out ta them, got it? And that's gonna send them packin'. But here's the catch, my payment we can call it… ya need them to say this-" 

Beetlejuice snaps his fingers as a small business card appeared in his hand and he passes to Adam, "They need to say whats on that card three times, unbroken, and that's it."

Adam read the card slowly, pulling away from the awkward arm around his shoulder. His eyebrows raised as he looked up to the demon, "You want us to get them to say Dolly Gallagher Levi: matchmaker for the-"

"Ah! Uh no!" Beetlejuice cursed himself as he forced the card from Adam's hand stuffing it into his pocket, pulling out another card yellowed from age and read it briefly before handing it to Adam, "There. Read that."

Adam slowly read old faded card allowed just as Barbara's cup slowly rocked before slowly rising into the air "Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. "

"Bingo. After that and a few other things… ya can have your house back."

"But why this? This sounds a little bit-"

"Adam, look!" Barbara cheers as her cup was now hovering an inch above the table, turning her head quickly to get her husband's attention letting the cup fall onto the table when she saw the concerned look on his face.

"Oh finally nice of ya to join us, Babs." He rolled his eyes chuckling at the sight of the knocked over glass, he pushed Adam away wrapping his arms around her shoulder pulling her close to him, "Awww look at ya. Knocked over that glass of water thinkin' it would float. I love it. A con-woman over my own heart."

"Excuse you, creepy, disgusting ba-... _ perv _ !" Barbara quickly grew flustered as she pushed him away, arms raised in a meek form of an attack before returning to her just as meek husband's side. The demon only smirked and bow generously to the couple like a magician who successfully pulled off a trick "I did not just knock it over. I actually- I-I am not a con woman. Will never be a con woman you bas-"

"I could just leave ya to figure it out all on yer lonesome." Beetlejuice threatened, jaded eyes flashing briefly of red, "I would be very careful of what ya call me, Babs. Now I'm only gonna say this one more time. Ya scare the breathers downstairs, get them to say that on the card then ya can have yer house back. Got it?"

Barbara cautiously took the card, her eyes never leaving the demon's gaze as she read it. The situation seemed bizarre in it's own right, to scare the people who now occupy their home and have them proclaim this word, three times. It was almost like a calling, a summoning of… "This is your name isn't? You want us to get these people to say your name so you can-"

'I wouldn't worry about that. That's all for me to deal with when the time is right." Beetlejuice smirked as he adjusted his tie and pushed the couple forward, "Now focus! You dweebs need to get this-"

"Wait! Wait!" Adam shuddered as he slipped his way out of his grasp, "I've said your name three times and it do anything. What if it doesn't-"

Beetlejuice growls as he grabs Adam by the scruff of his collar and drags him to the couch, tossing him down forcefully. "It doesn't matter if you fucking say it, Adam! You're dead. In order for it to work they have to be  ** _alive!"_ ** He takes a long deep breath. his breath resembling hisses as he saw the terrified look in the man's eyes. 

"What the-" Barbara gasped loudly forcing Beetlejuice to turn to look at her. She too bore the same terrified expression that her husband wore. 

He blinked slowly, his vision finally adjusting to the different depth perception and the scales wrapped around tightly around the man, his eyes slowly running up his serpentine body before realized what he had done. Shit. Fuck. He was losing them. His chance to be free was slipping through his fingers just over a stupid mistake. 

"Hold on. Wait" Beetlejuice quickly turn back into his human form adjusting his jacket and pulling Adam from the couch, "Look. I don't say it often. Uh sorry, I just lost my temper ya know? It just happens…"

"Is that what you're going to do them?" Adam staggered away as fast as he could, "They're going to be… be… your-"

"No! Oh no! That was just a mishap." Come on. Think of something. Beetlejuice always struggled with trying to fix things he already broke and this seemed impossible, "Look. That. That wasn't going to happen again. Scouts honor. "

"I'm- we're-" The Maitlands stared at him like he was the snake, terrified and assuming that he was just going to kill the living in the end. Barbara was the first to speak, "I'm thinking we don't need your services after all."

His eyes widen as he stepped towards her, only to see her stagger back in fear, "Babs, ya gotta believe me. Come on. I don't turn into snake every day. I'm not gonna-"

"We'll figure this out on our own. Please. Leave."

"No. No.  _ No!"  _ Beetlejuice screamed as his felt his temper already building once more, "Ya losers can't just kick me out like this. Ya need me. Ya hear that? Ya need me! Fuck!" 

Beetlejuice snarled as he snapped his fingers phasing out of the room leaving the Maitlands standing staring at each other and the empty void that Beetlejuice left. 

"What are we going to do-"

"Adam, I don't know maybe we-:

"Hey you guys." There was another snap, Beetlejuice appeared in front of them arms folded across his chest like a child throwing a temper tantrum. 

"Beetlejuice, wait." Barbara stepped towards him. Did she really think that she could apologize now? Forget it. 

He shook his head as he slowly flipped them both off, "Fuck you guys." Before disappearing as fast as he appeared in the first place now leaving the Maitlands in the endless void that had become their graves. 


End file.
